Oct 9, 2023 10:32 PM
As a gay catholic practicing chastity, I don't feel seen by Pope Francis
https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusiv...pe-francis
EXCERPT: . . . I grew up in a culturally Catholic family. My parents made me do my sacraments and go to Mass on Easter and Christmas, but other than that, did very little to form me according to the teachings of the Church. They were fairly progressive, and told me from a young age that I could love whomever I wanted, even if it was another boy, as long as I was a good person and treated other people with respect.
Because my affect and interests were not like those of typical boys my age, it wasn’t long until kids started calling me gay. I didn’t believe them—until I entered my teen years and started finding myself attracted to male classmates. Around the start of eleventh grade, I slowly started to accept the fact that my romantic and sexual desires were predominantly for other guys, and toyed around with the prospect of coming out to my family and friends. But soon after, I started questioning if seeking a relationship with another guy was morally right, and if it would actually make me happy in the long run.
My eventual “coming out” to my parents was complicated: I simultaneously told them that I liked other guys, and that I was also thinking about taking Catholicism more seriously—which meant I probably wasn’t going to pursue relationships with guys. Baffled, they asked me to explain how I could think this way. After several frustrating conversations, they sent me to a gay psychologist, hoping that he could get me to accept myself and see there was nothing wrong with being gay. And yet, I remained unconvinced, and began practicing my faith more intentionally. I focused more on learning about Catholicism than figuring out what to do with my sexuality.
It wasn’t until I happened upon an article in the New York Times by Eve Tushnet that the pieces started coming together. Eve made a compelling case for how one could accept oneself, his or her sexuality, and the traditional teachings of Catholicism without falling into self-hate or shame. Tushnet’s witness gave me the motivation to take up the path of chastity—which, with time, I began to realize was easier said than done. It turns out that Jesus wasn’t lying when he said following him required picking up one’s cross. I have discovered that without the grace of God and the support of loving friends, living according to Christ's example is impossible.
Though I spend most of my time in open-minded social circles, there have been occasions when I have encountered hostility from other Catholics for being same-sex-attracted. More often than not, it was expressed implicitly—in the form of exclusion—rather than through outright condemnation or hate speech. For this reason, I appreciate that Pope Francis has condemned attitudes of judgmentalism or exclusion.
At the same time, I’ve also come across Catholics who have discouraged me from living a life of chastity. Friends in lay movements have told me that I can’t be happy living alone, and that they can help me find a boyfriend. Another friend has said that she would pray for me “to learn to stop hating myself,” and accept that God wants me to marry another man. I’ve met priests in confession who have told me my commitment to chastity is praiseworthy, but that I shouldn’t stay closed off to finding a partner, as “the Church will soon change its teachings.” After I confessed to falling into the sin of lust, another priest told me that I’d be better off if I found a boyfriend already and stopped worrying about sin. I pushed back, telling him that his advice contradicted the teachings of the Church. He responded by telling me that the pope “is changing things.”
Pope Francis’s alleged ambiguity toward LGBT issues is in part the fault of the mainstream media, which often takes his statements out of context or twists them to mean something other than what he intended. [...] So I don’t completely blame the pope.
But I must say I find it concerning that he offers public encouragement to Fr. James Martin and ministries that promote “acceptance” like New Ways (which has openly defied Church teaching), but not to ministries that offer support in the pursuit of chastity like Eden Invitation, the Courage Apostolate, or the Spiritual Friendship movement (of which Tushnet is a part). His lack of public engagement with gay people who are attempting to live according to the Church’s teachings makes me feel a bit forgotten and alone. When the pope gives such little acknowledgment to Catholics like me, is it any wonder that some feel comfortable trivializing my story and life choices? (MORE - missing details)
https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusiv...pe-francis
EXCERPT: . . . I grew up in a culturally Catholic family. My parents made me do my sacraments and go to Mass on Easter and Christmas, but other than that, did very little to form me according to the teachings of the Church. They were fairly progressive, and told me from a young age that I could love whomever I wanted, even if it was another boy, as long as I was a good person and treated other people with respect.
Because my affect and interests were not like those of typical boys my age, it wasn’t long until kids started calling me gay. I didn’t believe them—until I entered my teen years and started finding myself attracted to male classmates. Around the start of eleventh grade, I slowly started to accept the fact that my romantic and sexual desires were predominantly for other guys, and toyed around with the prospect of coming out to my family and friends. But soon after, I started questioning if seeking a relationship with another guy was morally right, and if it would actually make me happy in the long run.
My eventual “coming out” to my parents was complicated: I simultaneously told them that I liked other guys, and that I was also thinking about taking Catholicism more seriously—which meant I probably wasn’t going to pursue relationships with guys. Baffled, they asked me to explain how I could think this way. After several frustrating conversations, they sent me to a gay psychologist, hoping that he could get me to accept myself and see there was nothing wrong with being gay. And yet, I remained unconvinced, and began practicing my faith more intentionally. I focused more on learning about Catholicism than figuring out what to do with my sexuality.
It wasn’t until I happened upon an article in the New York Times by Eve Tushnet that the pieces started coming together. Eve made a compelling case for how one could accept oneself, his or her sexuality, and the traditional teachings of Catholicism without falling into self-hate or shame. Tushnet’s witness gave me the motivation to take up the path of chastity—which, with time, I began to realize was easier said than done. It turns out that Jesus wasn’t lying when he said following him required picking up one’s cross. I have discovered that without the grace of God and the support of loving friends, living according to Christ's example is impossible.
Though I spend most of my time in open-minded social circles, there have been occasions when I have encountered hostility from other Catholics for being same-sex-attracted. More often than not, it was expressed implicitly—in the form of exclusion—rather than through outright condemnation or hate speech. For this reason, I appreciate that Pope Francis has condemned attitudes of judgmentalism or exclusion.
At the same time, I’ve also come across Catholics who have discouraged me from living a life of chastity. Friends in lay movements have told me that I can’t be happy living alone, and that they can help me find a boyfriend. Another friend has said that she would pray for me “to learn to stop hating myself,” and accept that God wants me to marry another man. I’ve met priests in confession who have told me my commitment to chastity is praiseworthy, but that I shouldn’t stay closed off to finding a partner, as “the Church will soon change its teachings.” After I confessed to falling into the sin of lust, another priest told me that I’d be better off if I found a boyfriend already and stopped worrying about sin. I pushed back, telling him that his advice contradicted the teachings of the Church. He responded by telling me that the pope “is changing things.”
Pope Francis’s alleged ambiguity toward LGBT issues is in part the fault of the mainstream media, which often takes his statements out of context or twists them to mean something other than what he intended. [...] So I don’t completely blame the pope.
But I must say I find it concerning that he offers public encouragement to Fr. James Martin and ministries that promote “acceptance” like New Ways (which has openly defied Church teaching), but not to ministries that offer support in the pursuit of chastity like Eden Invitation, the Courage Apostolate, or the Spiritual Friendship movement (of which Tushnet is a part). His lack of public engagement with gay people who are attempting to live according to the Church’s teachings makes me feel a bit forgotten and alone. When the pope gives such little acknowledgment to Catholics like me, is it any wonder that some feel comfortable trivializing my story and life choices? (MORE - missing details)